Winter home dialogues (3)

SHE
How many slices of bread do you want?

HE
How many are you having?

SHE
That shouldn’t matter.

HE
But it does. I don’t want to be a pig.

SHE
You’re not a pig. You couldn’t be one if you tried.

HE
Thanks.

SHE
I say: three.

HE
Three what?

SHE
Slices. We have mustard, tomatoes, avocado and humus.
You want anything else?

HE
I don’t know what’s in the fridge.

SHE
I just told you what’s in the fridge.

HE
Then why do you ask me if I want anything else?

SHE
Here’s your plate and knife. It’s self-service today.

HE
Are you mad?

SHE
Because I don’t make you a sandwich? No. I just don’t feel like it.
And I don’t put enough mustard on them, according to you.

HE
That’s true. But you can just put more. It’s easy.

SHE
I’m not interested.

HE
Not interested in what?

SHE
In learning how to make you your perfect sandwich.
If I get it too right, you’ll never make your own again.